Writer’s Block

I came home from the field in time for last Christmas with no intention of beginning on my dissertation for a couple of months. It had been 2 years since I’d seen my family and friends, and on top of that I needed to prepare a syllabus for the first class I would be teaching on my own (as a lecturer rather than as a TA). Besides, I was advised to take a break before delving into writing.

So in the beginning I wasn’t worried, but as the weeks passed and I still hadn’t written anything I began to worry. The problem was I didn’t know what to write. It was the strangest thing. I spent over 2 years (close to 3) in the field and had a mountain of data, but I was so overwhelmed by it all that I couldn’t start.

169 days into being home the first words finally came to me.

乾杯 Or Knowing the Mind of Another

Much has been written in English about the drinking culture of Taiwan and other places, but mostly these blogs focus on giving foreigners the surface knowledge they need to survive it. It is not uncommon for people to even lament the necessity of drinking for business, or to look down upon it. As a foreigner I can understand how this ritual can appear chaotic and pointless to the untrained eye, but this quick judgement is far from the reality of the situation. Drinking in Taiwan is about trust and 關係 (guanxi - relationships)...and maybe pride a little.

Personal Definitions of the Word “Game”

How would you define the word game? It seems like such a simple word. I was sure I knew how I would define it: in my academic speech, “A game is a semi-bounded and socially legitimate domain of contrived contingency that generates interpretable outcomes.” Actually that’s Thomas Malaby’s definition (Beyond Play: A New Approach to Games, in Games and Culture April 2007 vol. 2no. 2 95-113) but I like it. In my every day speech I would say a game is any semi-bound activity or product that serves no direct productive function other than socializing or diversion. On a personal level I would call both of these definitions working definitions, but they served as a basis from which I could communicate with others, so they were useful…

Until they weren’t.

I had a “lost in translation” moment. The connotative meaning of the word game had changed in my every-day lexicon without me even realizing it. It wasn’t until I “misused” the word (“misused” if I was going by my former definitions) that I realized the change occurred. All this after struggling through understanding Taiwanese variants of this very idea, and I come home and suddenly I begin to question my own conceptualization of games. How did this happen?

Why is Coming Home Always Weird?

I am 6 days into my 2nd homecoming – back to Wisconsin after 2 years in the field. Unlike the first time I returned from Taiwan, I don’t think I am suffering from culture shock … but that isn't to say it has been easy. I feel somehow – off. It’s not jet lag  though I have been trying to blame jet lag for my “comatose” state, as my family has taken to describing me.

I am being called comatose for my lack of responsiveness. I’m not actually sure what they expect of me. This is weird. These are people I’ve known my whole life – or their whole lives as the case may be – and yet I am not sure how to react to news: a new apartment, a redecorated room … that’s nice, I said.

I also don’t know how to talk about what I've been doing, and this goes beyond family. I stick with the superficial experiences mostly, like strange foods, but Asian food just isn't fascinating to me anymore. I’ve mentioned to a couple of people about the natural hot springs I went to shortly before I left Taiwan – but this was apparently not interesting to anyone else.

Another fascinating experience I had was being invited into a hostess club. Maybe I should write about that one here? I just don’t know how to explain it or how people will react. In fact at this point I don’t even know how appropriate it would be to bring up. Boundaries vary cross culturally and I find myself suddenly unsure of where some of those lie.  I spent some time socializing with a few professors in Taiwan, but then felt awkward my first day back to campus in Milwaukee.

It’s not that I ever fit in 100% here, but I could at least play along once upon a time. Just before I left Taiwan a good friend of mine (Taiwanese) said that I needed to come back because I belonged there. Another friend (American) sent a Facebook message telling me I had gone native. I never felt “Taiwanese,” yet I wonder, could they be right?  

For the Sake of Passion … Is a PhD Really Worth It?

I often get questions from friends and undergraduate students who are considering graduate school. Usually, they simply want to know if it is worth it. More specifically, there are two questions that seem to pique people’s curiosity about getting a PhD. The first is the amount of sheer work (and by extension time) that it takes. The other, is the massive amount of debt that I have accrued over the last 10 years.

Let’s start with the most basic fact. Getting a PhD will consume your life.

Public Learning Patch 1.1

This morning I finally did it. I made my Chinese practice blog (中文練習) public. Only time will tell if this was a mistake. Despite the recognition that this may turn out very badly I have decided to put an idea before caution. Why? This is the only way for change to happen and, on a larger scale, I think there is a serious problem with some cultural perceptions of education that I have seen recently. Do I think my little experiment is going to change the world of education? No, of course not; but sometimes all it take is “one small step…”

The Lonely Hearts Narrative Part 2.2

This post is part 2.2 of my series on dating and being a Western woman in Taiwan. The original question was posted here. In this post I will discuss cultural differences in interpersonal relationships. In the introductory post to this series I wrote down the basic narrative of how single white women perceive their status, but there is a problem with this narrative – many of these women haven’t been single the entire time they have been here.